Today women in Queensland have had the right to vote for over 120 years, but still risk being charged under the Queensland Criminal Code 1899 for making choice about their own bodies and caring commitments. Having a baby is bigger than just pregnancy and birthing. It is entering into a caring role requiring a physical, emotional and financial commitment for the rest of your life.
I have always believed that abortion is a choice that women should be able to exercise in a safe, informed and nonjudgmental way. Like so many before and so many after, I never thought that I would have to make that decision. The irony of my story is that I always wanted children, but it didn’t come easily. Finally after five years of IVF I was pregnant. I was glowing. It was an easy pregnancy. Everything ran smoothly until the baby was diagnosed with Down’s syndrome. I did not want a designer baby, but being responsible for a child who would need care their entire life and could out live me by 35 years was daunting. My husband was even more concerned about the caring for a child with high needs. For a couple that had been actively trying to conceive for many years it was a difficult decision. As it is for anyone contemplating an abortion. We considered all our options, discussed the practicalities, our feelings and futures. After a few days we came to the decision to terminate the pregnancy. Throughout the process we were supported by the team of medical practitioners who were well informed, professional and compassionate. I thank them all for looking after my body and our wellbeing during this challenging and painful time. This is not a story that I have told often. I do not have children and never will, but I believe that I made the right decision. Talking about abortion, especially when you are faced with it, is almost taboo in our community. It should not be that way. Many women choose to have an abortion for many different reasons. The decision is hard enough as it is without interference of the anti-abortion lobby and the archaic laws we have here in Queensland. I respect that people don’t believe in abortion. If that is how you feel don’t have one. What I don’t understand is how this belief makes it so difficult for women to make informed decisions about their lives and the lives of those they care for in a safe and supported way.
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“So we’re talking termination then?” I whispered. “Yes, people have terminated for much less serious conditions”, the doctor said. It was at that point I just wanted a hole to appear in the floor and for it to swallow me up. Was this really happening to us? Aside from losing my father suddenly to a heart attack several years prior, the next 2 weeks were the most difficult I had ever faced. It was 2007 and I was 15 weeks pregnant with my 3rd pregnancy.
We had one daughter who was born with a rare genetic chronic health condition. We’d had one miscarriage at 7 weeks, and this pregnancy was our second shot at having another baby. For us, having another child was a huge decision we had mulled over for some time. We had a 1 in 4 chance of having another child with the rare genetic condition. The condition was manageable and we decided to try for a sibling and take our chances. We had Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) done at 11 weeks to confirm the sex of the baby. This involved taking a small sample of the placenta via a needle so that genetic testing could be performed. We wanted to know if we were carrying a baby with the rare condition our daughter had. There were some pre-natal options, which included medication that could be prescribed if this was the case. We had discussed termination and decided we wouldn’t if the baby had the condition. We found out we were having a boy. We also found out that the boy didn’t have the genetic condition our daughter had. We were thrilled. This joy was soon to be crushed. Several days later we received a call to go back to the clinic to talk about further chromosome testing that had been completed. We were advised that the baby had a rare chromosome deletion. The doctor said it was like being struck by lightening twice. The condition was probably going to be fatal and it would be unlikely that the baby would live to full gestation. If he was born, he would probably die soon after birth. We drove back to our home in Toowoomba from the clinic in Brisbane. Neither of us spoke. We were both in shock. We already had a child with complex medical needs. How could we face another one? We had no family support where we lived due to my husband’s job. The scenario was overwhelming. I don’t remember the actual conversation, but we both knew that we had to terminate the pregnancy. I couldn’t face going through with a pregnancy knowing that the baby was unwell and probably going to die inside me. My local obstetrician, who had been monitoring my pregnancy, flew overseas the day after we found out the test results. He apologised profusely saying he would have done the termination locally but wasn’t able to because of his impending travel. He told me to call the local public hospital and gave me a few other phones numbers to see if I could arrange the termination. I sat on the floor of our lounge room calling all of the numbers while choking back tears. No one was available or able to perform the surgery. I was told that all the doctors that could perform it were unavailable or away. I phoned a private clinic in Brisbane. They offered to do the abortion for me for $1700. This was a lot of money for us. I called my husband at work and he said “Whatever it takes”. Eventually I searched online for ‘abortion’ and the Children by Choice website came up. By this stage I could barely talk but a lovely counsellor on the phone managed to work out what I was trying to say and offered to advocate on my behalf. Here I was, a married mother of one in my mid thirties, with financial means but unable to get anyone to perform the termination. A few days later, I received a phone call from a nurse at a public hospital in Brisbane. She told me they had a foetal management specialist surgeon at the hospital that could perform my termination. I couldn’t believe I had finally found someone. 2 weeks later we drove to Brisbane, again in silence. We had arranged for my husband’s parents to mind our 2 year old daughter. I had the procedure performed to terminate my now 17 week pregnancy. During the procedure the doctor accidentally perforated my uterus and I bled internally. I needed to have some additional surgery to fix this. Instead of one day in hospital I spent several. Despite the complications and the additional surgery, I can’t tell you how relieved I was to have finally been able to have the pregnancy terminated. It had been the longest 2 weeks of my life. We went on to try again for that second baby and I gave birth via caesarean to our youngest daughter in 2008. I have never once regretted my abortion. What was difficult for me was the incredibly frustrating process I faced in actually arranging to have the procedure done. I wanted to have control over my own body and my own life choices but it felt like I didn’t. It should never have been this hard and I feel for all women who face barriers to a safe and accessible abortion. “So we’re talking termination then?” I whispered. “Yes, people have terminated for much less serious conditions”, the doctor said. It was at that point I just wanted a hole to appear in the floor and for it to swallow me up. Was this really happening to us? Aside from losing my father suddenly to a heart attack several years prior, the next 2 weeks were the most difficult I had ever faced. It was 2007 and I was 15 weeks pregnant with my 3rd pregnancy. We had one daughter who was born with a rare genetic chronic health condition. We’d had one miscarriage at 7 weeks, and this pregnancy was our second shot at having another baby. For us, having another child was a huge decision we had mulled over for some time. We had a 1 in 4 chance of having another child with the rare genetic condition. The condition was manageable and we decided to try for a sibling and take our chances. We had Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) done at 11 weeks to confirm the sex of the baby. This involved taking a small sample of the placenta via a needle so that genetic testing could be performed. We wanted to know if we were carrying a baby with the rare condition our daughter had. There were some pre-natal options, which included medication that could be prescribed if this was the case. We had discussed termination and decided we wouldn’t if the baby had the condition. We found out we were having a boy. We also found out that the boy didn’t have the genetic condition our daughter had. We were thrilled. This joy was soon to be crushed. Several days later we received a call to go back to the clinic to talk about further chromosome testing that had been completed. We were advised that the baby had a rare chromosome deletion. The doctor said it was like being struck by lightening twice. The condition was probably going to be fatal and it would be unlikely that the baby would live to full gestation. If he was born, he would probably die soon after birth. We drove back to our home in Toowoomba from the clinic in Brisbane. Neither of us spoke. We were both in shock. We already had a child with complex medical needs. How could we face another one? We had no family support where we lived due to my husband’s job. The scenario was overwhelming. I don’t remember the actual conversation, but we both knew that we had to terminate the pregnancy. I couldn’t face going through with a pregnancy knowing that the baby was unwell and probably going to die inside me. My local obstetrician, who had been monitoring my pregnancy, flew overseas the day after we found out the test results. He apologised profusely saying he would have done the termination locally but wasn’t able to because of his impending travel. He told me to call the local public hospital and gave me a few other phones numbers to see if I could arrange the termination. I sat on the floor of our lounge room calling all of the numbers while choking back tears. No one was available or able to perform the surgery. I was told that all the doctors that could perform it were unavailable or away. I phoned a private clinic in Brisbane. They offered to do the abortion for me for $1700. This was a lot of money for us. I called my husband at work and he said “Whatever it takes”. Eventually I searched online for ‘abortion’ and the Children by Choice website came up. By this stage I could barely talk but a lovely counsellor on the phone managed to work out what I was trying to say and offered to advocate on my behalf. Here I was, a married mother of one in my mid thirties, with financial means but unable to get anyone to perform the termination. A few days later, I received a phone call from a nurse at a public hospital in Brisbane. She told me they had a foetal management specialist surgeon at the hospital that could perform my termination. I couldn’t believe I had finally found someone. 2 weeks later we drove to Brisbane, again in silence. We had arranged for my husband’s parents to mind our 2 year old daughter. I had the procedure performed to terminate my now 17 week pregnancy. During the procedure the doctor accidentally perforated my uterus and I bled internally. I needed to have some additional surgery to fix this. Instead of one day in hospital I spent several. Despite the complications and the additional surgery, I can’t tell you how relieved I was to have finally been able to have the pregnancy terminated. It had been the longest 2 weeks of my life. We went on to try again for that second baby and I gave birth via caesarean to our youngest daughter in 2008. I have never once regretted my abortion. What was difficult for me was the incredibly frustrating process I faced in actually arranging to have the procedure done. I wanted to have control over my own body and my own life choices but it felt like I didn’t. It should never have been this hard and I feel for all women who face barriers to a safe and accessible abortion. Just under a year ago my ex Georgia* had an abortion. I was 20 and she was 22. I was the ‘father’; although to me, that’s an unnecessary term for whatever role I had in it. We had only been seeing each other for a couple of months. We had talked about using contraception and she was having injections every few months to prevent pregnancy. Her injections were also helping her endometriosis as it stopped her having periods. We also used condoms so an unplanned pregnancy was something we never even discussed.
Our relationship had started pretty quickly and I know I’ll sound like an ass but my other ex (who I’ve gotten back together with since and still with) and I had only just broken up. However, I liked where it was going with Georgia and cared about her a lot. I got home from work one night and got a call from Georgia to go and meet her at her place. I wasn’t happy about it as all I wanted to do was go to bed and she lived in Logan which was a bit of a drive from me but it sounded important so I drove over there and was greeted with her crying in the bathroom. On the counter were four positive pregnancy tests. She was hysterical she had no idea what to do. Neither did I. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so distressed. She had just finished her degree and was about to start her grad job. She asked me what I thought about it. I knew that I wanted her to have an abortion but I didn’t feel like I could tell her that. I didn’t want to put pressure on her. I didn’t have any grand career plans, I was probably going to go into my parent’s business (which I have done now) but I wasn’t prepared to have be a father. I told her she should do what she wanted. She said she was leaning towards having an abortion and I told her I would support her. I think she knew that that’s what I had wanted but I am certain that it was her choice. She went to her GP a few days later who told her that yes she could get an abortion but she should try and see if she could get it done at a public hospital. Because Georgia had endometriosis a pregnancy could be very painful for her so it was important to have it done as soon as possible. The Dr was really kind about it and wrote her a referral to see a ‘specialist’ at her local hospital. The hospital wouldn’t even consider giving her an abortion. They gave her a bunch of pamphlets on pre-natal vitamins and gave her the number of one of the in house pregnancy doctors. Georgia was so confused and came over to my house that evening and called her GP furious at what had happened. Her GP said that she had no clue that this would happen and called the hospital himself that night. He later called Georgia and apologised profusely and said he was disgusted at what had been said to him by the hospital staff. I had felt utterly useless until this moment. I had offered to pay for everything before the offer of the public hospital had been made but that felt like nothing at this point. I asked Georgia if I could go to the hospital and see if I could talk to them. Georgia just cried. The next day I got in my car and drove to the hospital. I went to the maternity ward and asked to speak to one of the doctors there. One of the nurses asked me what it was about and when I replied “you wouldn’t give my girlfriend an abortion.” the nurse told me murder was illegal. I replied that abortion wasn’t murder and she just rolled her eyes at me and said ‘well it’s against the law honey so I reckon it is.” I just stood there, astonished. The nurse gave me a look of disgust and called one of the administrators. He told me that the hospital wouldn’t help me or Georgia and that we should reconsider our options and think about ‘doing the right thing.’. I left straight away. Georgia was at work when I called and I went straight there and told her that if she still wanted an abortion I would make it happen for her. She cried again, but this time with relief. I think that for her, she had started to think that the world wouldn’t let her get one. She’s since told me that she had been thinking about doing it herself. I went on to Google and found the Children by Choice website. They had a list of abortion providers and I called the one in Woolloogabba. I made an appointment for Georgia for the following week. We both took the day off. I drove her there and watched as she got called in by a nurse so they could start. I was told that it would take 3-4 hours and that I could leave if I wanted. The nurse who spoke to me was really nice. Everyone who worked there seemed to put their patients first. I went and got a coffee and came back an hour before I was supposed too. I knew abortion was safe (the GP has assured Georgia of that) but I didn’t want to go too far. I was there when she came out and she was so happy. The happiest I had seen her since she had found out she was pregnant. She gave me a hug and asked to go home. We stayed in that night, got takeaway and watched movies. When I look back on what happened I get really angry that Georgia had to go through so much crap before she got what she wanted. She’s not crazy and she’s not incapable of being a Mum, but she had to be declared for it. She also had a medical condition that would have made pregnancy pretty risky for her and the hospital still wouldn’t allow her to get one. Hospitals are supposed to take care of their patients, not demonise them. We broke up a couple of months later but I don’t think the abortion had much to do with it. We just ran our course. I don’t really talk about it with anyone but I do want there to be less crappy experiences with this sort of thing and more good ones. Abortion isn’t something for anyone to be ashamed of. As a man, I am proud of Georgia for doing what she wanted to do. I didn’t want to be a Dad but if she had decided to keep it then I like to think I would have done the right thing. Any man who says they have rights over a woman’s body or a foetus is full of it in my opinion. We didn’t get born with ovaries and I think that at least once in every man’s life thanks has been given for that. It’s not our bodies and it’s not our lives that will be completely turned upside down because whether we like or not having a baby affects the woman more than the man, especially at first, so we can’t tell a woman what to do. Not now, not ever. 15 years ago, when I was 31, I had an abortion. I was living in Brisbane at the time. I had been using the Pill and it failed. I was very strict with it so it was a huge shock when I found out that I was pregnant. I knew immediately that I couldn’t have a baby. I needed an abortion. Children had never been part of my life plan. I like kids and my nieces and nephews are the apple of my eye but I knew that I would never have any of my own. I’m simply not cut out to be a Mum. My partner knew this before we entered into a relationship and felt the same way.
I am a financial advisor and have always been focused on my career. At the time I had just been promoted and was excited at the possibilities that would result from this. Upon finding out from a home pregnancy test that I was pregnant I talked to my partner and we both instantly decided to get an abortion. I went to my Dr the following day. He had been prescribing me the Pill for years and knew I never wanted children. We had discussed the idea of an IUD or implant but they had a very bad reputation at the time so I decided against it. At the appointment I told him that I was pregnant and that I needed to know where to access an abortion. His response horrified me. He said that this was the world’s way of telling me that I was meant to be a mother. That, as a woman, I was supposed to continue this pregnancy. I was appalled that this was his ‘professional’ opinion. I asked him if he would help me at all. He said he wouldn’t. I then went to another Dr at a different practice who upon hearing my request for an abortion awkwardly muttered to me that it was possible and threw me an information packet from deep within his desk draw. She then asked me to leave. I did. I confided in a friend my situation and she told me about a clinic that had opened up the previous year in Greenslopes. She had been one of their first patients. She gave me their number and I called them then and there. I had an appointment booked for the following week. The day I went in I was harassed and bullied by protesters outside. They yelled at me if I was sure I was doing the right thing? Did I know that I would be a murderer? I walked past them and flung myself into the clinic. My partner arrived after I did and they must have yelled at him too. He was red faced and possibly more traumatised than me by them. In the waiting room there were several other women who were all clearly from different walks of life. We all kept to ourselves, a little tense with anticipation and I suspect a desire to get it all done with. I was called in by a lovely nurse who asked me if I was sure about what I was doing and if I knew what I wanted. I assured her I was and she told me to follow her. I had an ultrasound done and was then told that I was about 7 weeks pregnant. I had the procedure done that day. It only took a few hours and in the post-op area the atmosphere was the polar opposite of that in the waiting room. All the women there were openly relieved and overjoyed to no longer be pregnant. We had our lives, our planned futures and our bodies back. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I am now happily single and child-free. At 45 I keep a busy work and social schedule. I travel at least twice a year, have incredible relationships with friends and family and most of all I am happy with my life. Not many people can say that. I am so glad that I was finally able to access an abortion. Although the two doctors I saw were disgraces to their profession. In my job, I have to give people the professional advice they come for – I don’t see why doctors should be any different. I am now based on Adelaide but I hope that QLD women are soon afforded the lawful right to choose. It should have been done a long time ago. I was 37 and married with 2 boys aged 9 & 4. It had taken us 2.5 yrs to have our second. I had "always wanted" at least 3 kids but after the process of trying to fall pregnant for so long & suffering a nervous breakdown a few months after our youngest was born, we were settled with the 2 kids we had. One night I had a dream a friend was pregnant - the next day it was all over the news that Kim Kardashian was pregnant. I'm not a fan but thought how funny I had some kind of physic connection with her!
A few days later I realised I hadn't had a period for a while & half jokingly bought a pregnancy test. When those 2 lines appeared my first words were f*#%!. My husband was incredibly supportive & said he would go with whatever decision I made. I have always been a pro-choice supporter but never in a million years did I think I would be making the choice. I wrestled with the decision for a few days. I googled pregnancy support & came across a hotline & called it in tears - the only support I was offered was "oh love you were just destined to have 3 kids". I also called a depression hotline & was told that I should go with the choice that I wouldn't regret. I was leaning towards going ahead with the pregnancy. We told only my immediate family who all offered to help. While I appreciated their support it just seemed that this baby would become the responsibility of the whole family. As I sufferer of depression & an auto immune condition, I was also aware I would need to stop medication for both conditions while pregnant. Somehow I came across Children by Choice and called them a few times. I will forever be grateful for their support. They actually listened to my concerns & repeated my own words back to me. One night I woke in a panic, got out of bed, found pen & paper and wrote the words "I do not want another baby". I drove myself to our nearest hospital while trying to stop myself from driving the car off the road. Thankfully the hospital had an emergency psychiatric unit where I spent 3 days clearing my head. A few days later I had the abortion. The number & different types of women in the waiting room shocked me. Relief is the main emotion I felt then & continue to feel 3 years later. My husband I re-evaluated our lives & made small but important changes. The irony that we struggled to fall pregnant for so long & then fell pregnant without trying is not lost on me. But I am so so thankful that I found Children by Choice & had the courage to choose what was right for me. I was raped and fell pregnant 14 months ago when I was 37. I was, and still am, married with three children. At the time my children were 9, 6 and 6 months old.
My husband was out of town for work and I had finished putting my oldest to bed at 8pm. I stayed up late enjoying having the house to myself and went to bed late. My house was broken early in the morning and I was raped in my own bedroom. I didn’t last much longer than an hour. My baby had only recently been moved next door to her own room. Afterwards, when I could finally move again I checked on my kids and showered. The next day I went and got a morning after pill and changed the locks to my house within two days. I told my husband we had been broken in too but I couldn’t tell my husband what else had happened, I was too ashamed. I wish I had told him sooner but at the time, I didn’t have time for anything else than making sure my kids didn’t know anything was wrong. At the time, I was worried if I called the police that my children would become distressed so I didn't. I didn't think they would be able to help me anyway. I just wanted to forget it had ever happened. A few weeks later I realised my period was late. I drove myself the chemist, bought a home pregnancy test and then used it in the public toilet in the shopping complex. It was positive. I knew that the pregnancy wasn’t from my husband. Leading up to that night sex with my husband had been a rarity. Having three kids under ten (one of them a newborn), a husband who works full time and me going back to work doesn’t encourage or leave much room for an active sex life, no matter how much you love each other. It was one of the many reasons I hadn’t been as proactive with going back to a new contraception once my youngest had been born as I had with my first two. This news destroyed me. I told my husband that night and there were tears, shouting and thick silences. The guilt of what had happened to me and of what We knew that we couldn’t continue the pregnancy. Our last child had been a ‘happy accident’ and we knew our family was well and truly completed. My husband had even talked about getting a vasectomy. I didn't even know the morning after pill could fail. I went to my GP and told him what had happened. I was distraught, firing off every question I could think of - What would I need to do? How much would it cost? He sat there helplessly and said that he didn’t know the answer to any of my questions and that even if he did he wouldn’t help me. He didn’t say anything else to me aside from if I decided to continue the pregnancy he would help me then. I was mortified. I went to another GP the next day as I knew nothing about abortion. I asked the same questions and this doctor also didn’t know the answers but he was very helpful and googled clinics on his phone for me. It was then that both of us found out abortion was illegal in QLD. That made me feel even worse and I broke down in his office. I had needed to have a blood test anyway and my Dr wanted me to also see how pregnant I was “just in case” the pregnancy wasn’t the result of my rape. I knew it would be. When I went to the local pathology I broke down before the lady put the needle in and, for whatever reason, told her everything. When I was done she looked at me and said “I didn’t realise Asians had abortions.” I am half Japanese. I’ve never gone back. I was four weeks pregnant and I knew that my husband was not the father. My husband booked an appointment for me at a clinic in Southport. The closest date they had was the same day as my 38th birthday when I would be six weeks pregnant. I didn’t care. The day before my kids left to have a three day stay at my mother’s and my husband began a week of annual leave from work. His boss is very understanding. So was mine. I will be forever grateful to how caring my boss was when I told her what I needed to do. She has never asked about it since and I am glad for it. My husband took me to the clinic that day and acted as a human shield from the protestors who were outside the clinic yelling things like ‘baby killer’ and facts about what the pain level of an embryo. It was humiliating. I wanted to yell at them and scream ‘You don’t know why I’m here.’ ‘You have no idea I wish I could be anywhere else.’ He waited for me the whole time while the nurse talked me through the steps of a medical abortion. I took the first tablet there and the second one the next day. It was physically painful but I don’t remember feeling anything other than relief. Two weeks later I went back to the clinic and they confirmed that I was no longer pregnant. The abortion cost me $600. No woman who falls pregnant should have to go through what I did and feel like a criminal. I love my family and being forced to continue that pregnancy would have destroyed both it and me. Someday, I might tell my kids about what happened. And if I do I will tell them I made my choice and that every other woman can do the same. Whenever I think about the abortion I just feel glad that I was able to get one with a loving support network. I have a Rape Survivors Support Group I hear stories there about girls who are raped and have no one to turn too. The law should be on their side, not against them. The law needs to change and it needs to stop making women who are already victimised feel like they are criminals. If my story affects anyone for the better then it will have been worth telling it. Firstly, I'd like to say what a fantastic group of people you are. I saw your post on Facebook and thought I'd like to share my experiences.
I've had two abortions in my short 25 years of life. Both of which I don't regret. I was 19 when I first found out I was pregnant. I was on my lunch break in the bathroom stalls crying. I did three tests that day to be sure because I was on the pill, how could this happen? I remember confiding in a friend at work who asked what I was going to do, and I knew I couldn't continue with the pregnancy. I went to the doctors to have further tests to confirm if I was pregnant. The results went to my GP and he said, "yes, you're pregnant". He then started rattling off lists of hospitals close by, names of OBGYNs and started discussing medication. I was astounded that I hadn't been asked what information I needed? I quietly muttered, "I don't want to keep it". He sighed, and said to Google some abortion clinics in Brisbane. I felt judged, humiliated and more confused. I ended up finding a clinic at Greenslopes, I was more scared about going under anaesthetic then I was about having the abortion. I was met with a group of protesters out the front of the clinic that day. I remember holding my boyfriends hand that much tighter. I felt ashamed. I have blocked out the awful things they were yelling and the images they had waving around. I remember seeing a group similar in the City a few weeks ago and wondered how "Christian" it was of them to be setting judgement on young women. I sat in the waiting room feeling red faced by a bunch of religious strangers I'd never met. I noticed that there was a few young women in the waiting room with me, we all kept our heads down and thumbed through magazines pretending to read them. I met a nurse who took me through the steps of what was going to happen, explained the process and asked me some questions. I filled in a lot of forms and remembered signing one that stated my mental, physical health and wellbeing would be in serious danger should I continue with this pregnancy. Couldn't I sign the option that said, 'it's my body, I can do what I want?'. I asked why I had to sign this and was met with "it was the law". On that day I found out that abortion was illegal in Queensland. The nurses and doctors at the clinic were some of the most compassionate and lovely people I think I've ever met. A nurse held my hand the entire time I was going under, to this day I remember her stroking my head saying, "everything will be fine, see you when you wake up". It was the most comforting thing to have someone there for you. Do I regret my abortions? No, not at all. Do I think about them? Not in the slightest. Will I have children in the future? Well, that's nobodies damn business but mine. I do however think it's time for Queensland to get out of 1899 and make abortion legal, safe and accessible for every women in this state. I found out I was pregnant in September 2014. I was 23, I had just gotten out of an emotionally destructive relationship, and I already had a 2-year-old little boy. Two days after going off the pill, I slept with the man I had just broken up with one last time and fell pregnant.
I was absolutely distraught. I had always wanted another child, and while I would have been thrilled in the right circumstances, this was far from a great situation. I told him, and he did not want to continue with the pregnancy. I knew that was the right choice in my heart and mind as well. I had no idea what to do, so I saw my GP and she was amazing. She checked that I was indeed pregnant, and then asked me how I felt about it. When I told her that I knew I wanted an abortion, she gave me a referral to the Dr Marie clinic in Brisbane and gave me their contact information. She also told me to call her any time if I had any questions or needed to chat. I called the clinic when I got back in my car and made an appointment for exactly one week’s time – September 23. I was terrified, and I knew the logistics would be tricky. I wasn’t comfortable telling my family and I would need someone to drive me the two hours each way to the clinic and someone to pick up my son from daycare. An amazing friend helped me out and I made it to the clinic. The staff there were amazing, so calm and helpful, and genuinely caring. I never once felt judged and they made sure I was comfortable every step of the way. The procedure itself was difficult for me as I hated the idea of not knowing what was happening while I was sedated. I struggled with that aspect for a really long time. I also felt really sad that I didn’t ask for a copy of the ultrasound picture. I felt like it was something I didn’t want to just forget, and I wanted something tangible to be able to remember this by. I did end up asking them for a copy of the scan at a later date, and the team were happy to do a print out for me, which was amazing. Since then, I have had to have another abortion, under completely different circumstances, and the staff were still incredible and made the experience easier to deal with. While it was a difficult journey, I know it was the right thing to do. I also told as many of my friends about it as I could because I didn’t want them to ever feel like this is something that should be covered up and hidden. It really annoys me when people talk about abortion like it’s something you should be sad about or ashamed of, or like it should be a difficult decision. The truth is that it was one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever made. I don’t think I’d be human if I didn’t have random moments where I stop and wonder what could have been, but these moments are never tinged with any kind of regret or sadness – only relief.
I had just finished my university degree – but I didn’t go to uni until later in life, so I was around 30 when I finished – and I got an office job that paid pretty well. But I hated it. It was boring and repetitive and I couldn’t imagine staying there for too long. I had an ongoing sex thing with a guy who I had deluded myself into thinking I had some kind of future with. He was funny and very attractive and exceptional at sex – if there was a sex Olympics, he would win many gold medals. Unfortunately, he was also unbelievably selfish and narcissistic – which I was happy to overlook when he was giving me such great orgasms (funnily sex was the only time he was not selfish). I was on the pill, but I’d been having problems with bleeding and other side effects, so I was trying a new pill, and I must have been careless in between switching over... I’d always had really irregular periods, so there was no issue there, but soon my boobs were starting to get incredibly painful, and I was even moodier than usual – despite being on anti-depressants for my bipolar disorder. I bought a pregnancy test from the supermarket near work in my lunchbreak, and my worst fear was confirmed. I had a workmate who I was quite close with, and I went to talk to her and I couldn’t get the words out because I started crying so hard that snot was running out of my nose and I went all red in the face and sobbed like my life was ending. There was absolutely no question about what I was going to do. I started investigating how to get an abortion immediately. It was clear that I didn’t have many options. Marie Stopes in Fortitude Valley was pretty much it – and while it wasn’t exorbitant, the price meant I would have to eat packet noodles for a while. I certainly couldn’t ask the narcissist for money – he was on the dole. I had to get a referral from my doctor – they had to confirm that I was actually pregnant. It turned out that I had to go and get an ultrasound before I was allowed to go and terminate. The ultrasound was probably the most unpleasant part of the whole experience. The guy who was doing the ultrasound was a fair bit older and very creepy, he was REALLY trying to get me to agree to a vaginal ultrasound – where they stick the ultrasound wand up in your vagina – I would not agree to this, so he had to settle for doing it the normal way on the outside of my belly. Then I had to go back to my doctor where she confirmed the results of the ultrasound - there was indeed an embryo in there, and it was only a few weeks along. So she wrote me a referral letter and I promised to go back and talk about other forms of contraception. I made my booking at Marie Stopes as soon as I was able, and I had to ask my work friend if she would come and collect me after, which she kindly agreed to do. On the day, I was surprised at how quickly it all happened. I had to meet with a doctor when I got there to confirm that I did indeed want to terminate. Then I got changed into a paper gown and waited my turn with a few other women of varying ages. They finally came and got me, and knocked me out and I woke up in recovery about 20mins later. Not long after that I was feeling not too bad, and they said I could leave, so I called my friend and she came and collected me. The next week I went back to my doctor and got a prescription for an IUD. When I have those moments of thinking about what could have been, I know – with absolute certainty – that if I had had a child at that time it would have been the worst decision of my life. I would likely have stayed working in a job that I hated, or ended up relying on government handouts to get by, or worse having another mental breakdown and doing who knows what. Instead I went on to achieve amazing things in my life. When I look back I can’t believe how much I’ve done in the time since that happened, and I have no regrets or sadness – only relief that I was lucky enough to live in Brisbane where I actually had access to that service - even if I had to live on noodles for a while to pay for it. I was 21, I've moved here from Canada for my Australian partner whom I met briefly in the states the previous year and had to come and visit. We had been together since I came to Australia in March 2015. It's a real love story.
I noticed my period was late and I was getting concerned so I bought a pack of 3 pregnancy tests. I used one when I got home and could faintly see the second line, indicating positive. I think I knew it was correct but didn't want to believe it, and would test again in the morning. I was at my partners house waiting for him to get home from work that day and feeling really confused but I knew he would be supportive and just as surprised as I was. I knew that abortion was the only outcome I wanted. I was a few weeks away from 22, working as a bartender, living across the world and living a travellers lifestyle. I told my partner and all he said is I support anything you want. He has a very strong career and if need be could support a me and a child. I told him that I wanted it terminated. He agreed that was the best idea but really wanted me to know what I didn't have to if I didn't want to. The next day we researched clinics and the difference between medical and surgical. I thought I would be early enough to do a medical. I went to a clinic called Options in Spring Hill. I couldn't stop crying I was terrified, abortion was something I had always supported but never thought I would need one or knew of anyone I knew having had one. I was given an appointment fast and was very relived there was no protesters present. I sat in a waiting room with a few other women, none of us looking at each other and first I had to speak to a counsellor by myself and explain my situation and why abortion was the correct decision. It was so she could seem it necessary for my mental and well being. She was very patient and understanding, I was so nervous I sobbed the entire time. After discussing with the counsellor I waited with my partner to see the doctor. They allowed my partner to talk to the doctor with me, the doctor took my blood and preformed and ultra sound. He confirmed I was about 6 weeks. Explained how a medical abortion works and what will happen. I was administered the first pill and given 4 pills to take four days later. My partner took me to get my favourite ice-cream after the first doctors visit, it's one of my favourite memories we share. We both didn't know what to do and it was a nice gesture. The morning I was about to take the second dose of pills I set my room up so I wouldn't have to leave the entire day, water, snacks, hot water bottle, and a bowl incase I threw up. I had peanut butter toast and then put the pills in my mouth against my gums and cheeks and let them sit there for half an hour. I could feel cramping starting even from them sitting in my mouth. When I swallowed them I immediately felt like I was going to throw up or have diarrhea. Half an hour later I ran to my bathroom and threw up everything. I thought maybe I had thrown up the pills so I called the clinic and explainer my concern and they told me I was fine and asked a few questions. I was already bleeding which was a good sign. I spent most of the day in my room. I wanted to be alone I hugged a hot water bottle and tried to sleep the cramping came in waves and was like the worst period of my life. My partner came over later in the day. I told him I really wanted to be alone during the day and he respected that. We had a nice quiet night and I just rested. I bled somewhat heavily for a few days then it was just a constant for about 10 days. I returned to the clinic for a follow up and an ultrasound and it went well. Since I do not have Medicare the total cost was around 900.00 I feel so lucky to have had the option to safely terminate the pregnancy. I cannot imagine not having an option. A few months following I was struggling with it I think being away from home and only really trusting my partner with it made me feel very isolated. I called the clinic to ask for a counselling service and they weren't very helpful. I found Children By Choice from a Google search and set up an in person counselling session and I wish I did it a few weeks after it was over instead of months later. I think they should be recommended to every women to at least have a short phone call after any abortion even if you think you are handling it well. I still sometimes wonder "what if" and sometimes it upsets me. I made the right decision but i can't help but wonder. It's a tricky thing. I wish abortion wasn't so hush hush. It makes it extremely difficult to reach out for help. That's my story. |
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November 2017
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