Just under a year ago my ex Georgia* had an abortion. I was 20 and she was 22. I was the ‘father’; although to me, that’s an unnecessary term for whatever role I had in it. We had only been seeing each other for a couple of months. We had talked about using contraception and she was having injections every few months to prevent pregnancy. Her injections were also helping her endometriosis as it stopped her having periods. We also used condoms so an unplanned pregnancy was something we never even discussed.
Our relationship had started pretty quickly and I know I’ll sound like an ass but my other ex (who I’ve gotten back together with since and still with) and I had only just broken up. However, I liked where it was going with Georgia and cared about her a lot. I got home from work one night and got a call from Georgia to go and meet her at her place. I wasn’t happy about it as all I wanted to do was go to bed and she lived in Logan which was a bit of a drive from me but it sounded important so I drove over there and was greeted with her crying in the bathroom. On the counter were four positive pregnancy tests. She was hysterical she had no idea what to do. Neither did I. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so distressed. She had just finished her degree and was about to start her grad job. She asked me what I thought about it. I knew that I wanted her to have an abortion but I didn’t feel like I could tell her that. I didn’t want to put pressure on her. I didn’t have any grand career plans, I was probably going to go into my parent’s business (which I have done now) but I wasn’t prepared to have be a father. I told her she should do what she wanted. She said she was leaning towards having an abortion and I told her I would support her. I think she knew that that’s what I had wanted but I am certain that it was her choice. She went to her GP a few days later who told her that yes she could get an abortion but she should try and see if she could get it done at a public hospital. Because Georgia had endometriosis a pregnancy could be very painful for her so it was important to have it done as soon as possible. The Dr was really kind about it and wrote her a referral to see a ‘specialist’ at her local hospital. The hospital wouldn’t even consider giving her an abortion. They gave her a bunch of pamphlets on pre-natal vitamins and gave her the number of one of the in house pregnancy doctors. Georgia was so confused and came over to my house that evening and called her GP furious at what had happened. Her GP said that she had no clue that this would happen and called the hospital himself that night. He later called Georgia and apologised profusely and said he was disgusted at what had been said to him by the hospital staff. I had felt utterly useless until this moment. I had offered to pay for everything before the offer of the public hospital had been made but that felt like nothing at this point. I asked Georgia if I could go to the hospital and see if I could talk to them. Georgia just cried. The next day I got in my car and drove to the hospital. I went to the maternity ward and asked to speak to one of the doctors there. One of the nurses asked me what it was about and when I replied “you wouldn’t give my girlfriend an abortion.” the nurse told me murder was illegal. I replied that abortion wasn’t murder and she just rolled her eyes at me and said ‘well it’s against the law honey so I reckon it is.” I just stood there, astonished. The nurse gave me a look of disgust and called one of the administrators. He told me that the hospital wouldn’t help me or Georgia and that we should reconsider our options and think about ‘doing the right thing.’. I left straight away. Georgia was at work when I called and I went straight there and told her that if she still wanted an abortion I would make it happen for her. She cried again, but this time with relief. I think that for her, she had started to think that the world wouldn’t let her get one. She’s since told me that she had been thinking about doing it herself. I went on to Google and found the Children by Choice website. They had a list of abortion providers and I called the one in Woolloogabba. I made an appointment for Georgia for the following week. We both took the day off. I drove her there and watched as she got called in by a nurse so they could start. I was told that it would take 3-4 hours and that I could leave if I wanted. The nurse who spoke to me was really nice. Everyone who worked there seemed to put their patients first. I went and got a coffee and came back an hour before I was supposed too. I knew abortion was safe (the GP has assured Georgia of that) but I didn’t want to go too far. I was there when she came out and she was so happy. The happiest I had seen her since she had found out she was pregnant. She gave me a hug and asked to go home. We stayed in that night, got takeaway and watched movies. When I look back on what happened I get really angry that Georgia had to go through so much crap before she got what she wanted. She’s not crazy and she’s not incapable of being a Mum, but she had to be declared for it. She also had a medical condition that would have made pregnancy pretty risky for her and the hospital still wouldn’t allow her to get one. Hospitals are supposed to take care of their patients, not demonise them. We broke up a couple of months later but I don’t think the abortion had much to do with it. We just ran our course. I don’t really talk about it with anyone but I do want there to be less crappy experiences with this sort of thing and more good ones. Abortion isn’t something for anyone to be ashamed of. As a man, I am proud of Georgia for doing what she wanted to do. I didn’t want to be a Dad but if she had decided to keep it then I like to think I would have done the right thing. Any man who says they have rights over a woman’s body or a foetus is full of it in my opinion. We didn’t get born with ovaries and I think that at least once in every man’s life thanks has been given for that. It’s not our bodies and it’s not our lives that will be completely turned upside down because whether we like or not having a baby affects the woman more than the man, especially at first, so we can’t tell a woman what to do. Not now, not ever.
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November 2017
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