“So we’re talking termination then?” I whispered. “Yes, people have terminated for much less serious conditions”, the doctor said. It was at that point I just wanted a hole to appear in the floor and for it to swallow me up. Was this really happening to us? Aside from losing my father suddenly to a heart attack several years prior, the next 2 weeks were the most difficult I had ever faced. It was 2007 and I was 15 weeks pregnant with my 3rd pregnancy.
We had one daughter who was born with a rare genetic chronic health condition. We’d had one miscarriage at 7 weeks, and this pregnancy was our second shot at having another baby. For us, having another child was a huge decision we had mulled over for some time. We had a 1 in 4 chance of having another child with the rare genetic condition. The condition was manageable and we decided to try for a sibling and take our chances. We had Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) done at 11 weeks to confirm the sex of the baby. This involved taking a small sample of the placenta via a needle so that genetic testing could be performed. We wanted to know if we were carrying a baby with the rare condition our daughter had. There were some pre-natal options, which included medication that could be prescribed if this was the case. We had discussed termination and decided we wouldn’t if the baby had the condition. We found out we were having a boy. We also found out that the boy didn’t have the genetic condition our daughter had. We were thrilled. This joy was soon to be crushed. Several days later we received a call to go back to the clinic to talk about further chromosome testing that had been completed. We were advised that the baby had a rare chromosome deletion. The doctor said it was like being struck by lightening twice. The condition was probably going to be fatal and it would be unlikely that the baby would live to full gestation. If he was born, he would probably die soon after birth. We drove back to our home in Toowoomba from the clinic in Brisbane. Neither of us spoke. We were both in shock. We already had a child with complex medical needs. How could we face another one? We had no family support where we lived due to my husband’s job. The scenario was overwhelming. I don’t remember the actual conversation, but we both knew that we had to terminate the pregnancy. I couldn’t face going through with a pregnancy knowing that the baby was unwell and probably going to die inside me. My local obstetrician, who had been monitoring my pregnancy, flew overseas the day after we found out the test results. He apologised profusely saying he would have done the termination locally but wasn’t able to because of his impending travel. He told me to call the local public hospital and gave me a few other phones numbers to see if I could arrange the termination. I sat on the floor of our lounge room calling all of the numbers while choking back tears. No one was available or able to perform the surgery. I was told that all the doctors that could perform it were unavailable or away. I phoned a private clinic in Brisbane. They offered to do the abortion for me for $1700. This was a lot of money for us. I called my husband at work and he said “Whatever it takes”. Eventually I searched online for ‘abortion’ and the Children by Choice website came up. By this stage I could barely talk but a lovely counsellor on the phone managed to work out what I was trying to say and offered to advocate on my behalf. Here I was, a married mother of one in my mid thirties, with financial means but unable to get anyone to perform the termination. A few days later, I received a phone call from a nurse at a public hospital in Brisbane. She told me they had a foetal management specialist surgeon at the hospital that could perform my termination. I couldn’t believe I had finally found someone. 2 weeks later we drove to Brisbane, again in silence. We had arranged for my husband’s parents to mind our 2 year old daughter. I had the procedure performed to terminate my now 17 week pregnancy. During the procedure the doctor accidentally perforated my uterus and I bled internally. I needed to have some additional surgery to fix this. Instead of one day in hospital I spent several. Despite the complications and the additional surgery, I can’t tell you how relieved I was to have finally been able to have the pregnancy terminated. It had been the longest 2 weeks of my life. We went on to try again for that second baby and I gave birth via caesarean to our youngest daughter in 2008. I have never once regretted my abortion. What was difficult for me was the incredibly frustrating process I faced in actually arranging to have the procedure done. I wanted to have control over my own body and my own life choices but it felt like I didn’t. It should never have been this hard and I feel for all women who face barriers to a safe and accessible abortion. “So we’re talking termination then?” I whispered. “Yes, people have terminated for much less serious conditions”, the doctor said. It was at that point I just wanted a hole to appear in the floor and for it to swallow me up. Was this really happening to us? Aside from losing my father suddenly to a heart attack several years prior, the next 2 weeks were the most difficult I had ever faced. It was 2007 and I was 15 weeks pregnant with my 3rd pregnancy. We had one daughter who was born with a rare genetic chronic health condition. We’d had one miscarriage at 7 weeks, and this pregnancy was our second shot at having another baby. For us, having another child was a huge decision we had mulled over for some time. We had a 1 in 4 chance of having another child with the rare genetic condition. The condition was manageable and we decided to try for a sibling and take our chances. We had Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) done at 11 weeks to confirm the sex of the baby. This involved taking a small sample of the placenta via a needle so that genetic testing could be performed. We wanted to know if we were carrying a baby with the rare condition our daughter had. There were some pre-natal options, which included medication that could be prescribed if this was the case. We had discussed termination and decided we wouldn’t if the baby had the condition. We found out we were having a boy. We also found out that the boy didn’t have the genetic condition our daughter had. We were thrilled. This joy was soon to be crushed. Several days later we received a call to go back to the clinic to talk about further chromosome testing that had been completed. We were advised that the baby had a rare chromosome deletion. The doctor said it was like being struck by lightening twice. The condition was probably going to be fatal and it would be unlikely that the baby would live to full gestation. If he was born, he would probably die soon after birth. We drove back to our home in Toowoomba from the clinic in Brisbane. Neither of us spoke. We were both in shock. We already had a child with complex medical needs. How could we face another one? We had no family support where we lived due to my husband’s job. The scenario was overwhelming. I don’t remember the actual conversation, but we both knew that we had to terminate the pregnancy. I couldn’t face going through with a pregnancy knowing that the baby was unwell and probably going to die inside me. My local obstetrician, who had been monitoring my pregnancy, flew overseas the day after we found out the test results. He apologised profusely saying he would have done the termination locally but wasn’t able to because of his impending travel. He told me to call the local public hospital and gave me a few other phones numbers to see if I could arrange the termination. I sat on the floor of our lounge room calling all of the numbers while choking back tears. No one was available or able to perform the surgery. I was told that all the doctors that could perform it were unavailable or away. I phoned a private clinic in Brisbane. They offered to do the abortion for me for $1700. This was a lot of money for us. I called my husband at work and he said “Whatever it takes”. Eventually I searched online for ‘abortion’ and the Children by Choice website came up. By this stage I could barely talk but a lovely counsellor on the phone managed to work out what I was trying to say and offered to advocate on my behalf. Here I was, a married mother of one in my mid thirties, with financial means but unable to get anyone to perform the termination. A few days later, I received a phone call from a nurse at a public hospital in Brisbane. She told me they had a foetal management specialist surgeon at the hospital that could perform my termination. I couldn’t believe I had finally found someone. 2 weeks later we drove to Brisbane, again in silence. We had arranged for my husband’s parents to mind our 2 year old daughter. I had the procedure performed to terminate my now 17 week pregnancy. During the procedure the doctor accidentally perforated my uterus and I bled internally. I needed to have some additional surgery to fix this. Instead of one day in hospital I spent several. Despite the complications and the additional surgery, I can’t tell you how relieved I was to have finally been able to have the pregnancy terminated. It had been the longest 2 weeks of my life. We went on to try again for that second baby and I gave birth via caesarean to our youngest daughter in 2008. I have never once regretted my abortion. What was difficult for me was the incredibly frustrating process I faced in actually arranging to have the procedure done. I wanted to have control over my own body and my own life choices but it felt like I didn’t. It should never have been this hard and I feel for all women who face barriers to a safe and accessible abortion.
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November 2017
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